Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Update: "Little Miss"

"Little Miss" had to get medically cleared this evening and it took what seemed like forever for her to get to our home. They ("LM" and two social workers) pulled up at 10:15. It was dark but I could see the outline/shadow of a little one and I sort of called out, "Are y'all here?" and I heard her little raspy voice which is actually a strong voice say, "Yeah."

We all met on the sidewalk and what I noticed first was the delightful twinkle in her big eyes and that she had a purse around her shoulder. After late-night lemonade, chicken nuggets, dollies, wash-up and a story, we made it to bedtime.

Little Miss had a bit of a hard time settling. She said she was afraid of the dark and then she said she missed "Mimaw and Alicia" (Foster Mom and Granddaughter). I told her I understood and that I would stay in the room as long as she wanted me to. I placed my head on the towel I had been holding to wash up on the floor and rested quietly as she drifted quickly off to sleep.

My Girl Cub is still tossing around up there. She said she was too excited to sleep. Little Miss brought a DS and Monster High dolls...even gum! 

Oh, my. 

 Tomorrow, the three of us will be up early and make our way to the VBS together.

A new family member to meet

What a busy, great, healing, therapeutic week it has been for us. I am volunteering at a church camp that my daughter is attending. It feels like one big happy family there and we are really enjoying ourselves. We've sooooo needed this since the baby left as we were both grieving in our own way.

Today, after a delicious lunch and happy chatter, the phone rang and I saw the foster agency was calling. I hesitated to answer. I'm not sure why. I guess I didn't want to be disappointed, if that makes any sense?

It was my homefinder and she said she wanted to know if I would be interested in a placement, a six year old girl. Be still my heart. I can't even tell you how my girl cub began bouncing around the house cleaning her room after I told her. She was so cute asking things like "What time does she have to go to bed, Mom?" And then of course, "I don't want to share my ipod, Mom. Is that okay?

To follow up: I just spoke with my social worker and little girl will be going back to live with her bio mom in September so it is just a temporary placement. But that's still okay with us. I told the social worker about our two planned vacations this month and she is going to get back to me. So, we're waiting for the call to learn more.

I'll be updating regularly. Keep us all in your prayers.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Family Planning

In order to maintain my license to foster, which I have every intent of continuing, foster parents have to take 12 training hours per year. It's really not a lot considering how much there it to learn and it's free.
I figured I'd get as many hours as I can under my belt now, especially since the baby is no longer with us.

I attended a "Family Planning" workshop for two credit hours today. It was interesting to see all of the new birth control methods that are out there and to meet other foster parents; in fact, that was the best part.
The facilitator of the training stated that this workshop was really geared toward foster parents of older
children, but I still found it very helpful and can easily apply it to my work with teens and someday, daughter will be "that" age.

Next week, there will be a monthly foster parent meeting. We have dinner together and there is a speaker. I am excited to meet more foster parents and finally network. I will also get training hours for the monthly meeting, so that's a plus.

As I was leaving the agency I popped my head in to say hello to my homefinder and to talk to the woman in charge of intake. We went over the age range our home is certified for. I still said that I was open to take any child, but as summer progresses, I know that a baby or younger child that is not sleeping and high-demand becomes less and less of a realistic possibility.

I miss Sage and look at his photos daily. I go over everything in my mind from our first phone call about him in the NICU to the day he left us, a total of 20 days.

I am struggling to believe this is all part of the plan and that we will eventually meet the child that is meant for us. I am still praying for Sage, for us, and for the next child that becomes part of our family.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Baby Sage

I have not been able to sit and type an update on this blog for a little while now. If you would like to piece together an "update" I will leave the link to my first blog, where I still write and have been updating recently.

Baby Sage is no longer with us, as in living in our home. It is too long a story and too emotional for me to write about at this time. I will say that he is fine and so are we, just a little emotionally frayed around the edges as it is all still  fresh.

 I know that someday when I am done processing and am at a healthier emotional distance, I will share it as the sacred and very valuable first experience I had caring for a child in foster care.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Nicknames

Boy O
Mr. Biggles
Mr. Golden Sun (My daughter's name for him)
Mr. Golden Raisin
and the latest one..."Poop Machine!"

Monday, July 8, 2013

Dear Precious Baby,

There is a reason you and I are in each other's lives.
Thank you for being my youngest teacher.
With Love and Gratitude,
Your "Auntie" xoxo

Sunday, July 7, 2013

A Day in Our Life

(Photo taken on a Saturday night Mama/Baby Sage Target run...our first.)

Baby Sage sleeps a lot...A LOT as in all day pretty much.
This has been an asset in a many ways, even though I am suffering horribly with sleep deprivation.
Yeah, all the "just sleep when he sleeps" well-meaning friends & neighbors
forget I have an almost 9 year old willow girl with wicked
energy and imagination. Since it's been just the two of us for so long,
she's used to having me close by for hugs, conversation...interaction and CARE.
She still needs to eat three meals a day, Friends! How can I sleep?

Anyway, I am slowly slipping into my old familiar routine while he sleeps.
This morning, I made my yerba matte just the way I like it with ginger & lemon.
I made Willow girl pancakes (not from scratch, come on!) and found my
way to my quiet place. I was able to do a fifteen minute centering meditation and 
then afterward (while he slumbered on) I completed a 25 minute yoga practice. 
It was heaven and felt so good. My body has missed the stretching and the breathing.

Later, my girlfriend watched the kids while I had a dentist appointment. Yes, I 
love my dentist. Not only is he a handsome fellow, he is open on Sundays. Gotta love that.
When finished, we all crossed the street and headed over to the mall.
Sage slept straight through, only to wake for a bottle at 2:30. 
He sure captured a lot of attention in the mall as he is not only 
tiny, but flippin' adorable with his turned up button nose, bow lips, and jet black
hair that's coming in all "male pattern balding" style. Swoon worthy, he is.

A few hours later, here we are back home. I'm on the couch watching The American, 
but it may require more brainpower than I have at the moment. Willow has
her bff over and they're playing Littlest Pet Shop. And guessed 
it, is still asleep. But not for long, as he is due for another feeding.

Tomorrow, my girl starts VBS for the week, so our 10 o'clock rising time
will change to eight. Also, tomorrow marks the countdown to darshan with Amma, my guru. 
She will be here in the city at the end of the week. I can not wait for 
Sage and Willow to join me in her presence this time around. 

So much to look forward to in the weeks ahead. 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Right Stuff

Eleven pm lavender baths and the kangaroo hold in the moby are going to get me  through. He falls into a deep, almost animal-like slumber....and he settles right in.

Thankfully, the Right Stuff has been allowing me to have a couple of hours sleep time in a row.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Random Facts About Baby

- Due on my beloved Grandfather's birthday, born one day before Grandma.
- The top of his head smells like the most intoxicating blend og Nag Champa comined with breakfast sausage.
- We both share the magical birth number 7.
- He has deep blue wide eyes set far apart, like his mom and older brother.
-Interesting baby sounds include "the mini nanny goat," baby parakeet squak,
and high pitched growl of contentment right before falling asleep.
- At one month old (& preemie!) he can focus on a toy, follow my voice, and swat away when he is really p.o.'d!
- Recently he has started holding my hand while he feeds, resting it gently on me, or (last night) rubbing my back!

Yep, he's pretty special.

Monday, July 1, 2013


So far, in the less-than-one-week "Sage" has been here...

1. We spent 3 hours in a clinic waiting to be seen by the doctor because the agency
failed to give me the letter stating I was his foster parent.
2. Spent 9 hours in an ER waiting for Sage to be admitted for observation (long story, he's fine now.)
3. I got caught in a major down pour and couldn't figure out how to collapse the Snap and Go 
stroller. Oh, yeah...Fun Times.
4. Watched him actually focus on a toy yesterday and attempt to extend toward it. 
(He is one smart baby!) 
5. Had our first fairly successful Saturday night Target trip. 
6. I've only had one mini-meltdown which happened yesterday after a night of only one hour of sleep...not just because Sage wakes every two hours for a feeding (he's a preemie) but because
I drank a massive iced coffee at 4pm with my brother while he was visiting.

7. I've met a lot of nice people. The system is no way perfect, but my social worker is 
a pretty amazing young woman and the staff at the agency are all great as well.

8. I am challenged by the amount of work, as it has been almost 9 years since I've cared for a newborn, but my heart is filled to the brim.

9. I know it was Divine Love that guided me here and Divine Love from the Creator 
will help and see me through, even the most difficult times.