Finally, an update...

Just as I decided to completely back off from bugging the agency AGAIN, a call came in this morning as I pulled into a parking space close to my job.

It was the social worker, who seems like a very nice, warm, woman. I am so happy about that. She told me that she had more information about the baby: he is healthy, gaining weight slowly, and breathing on his own. The only thing that is keeping him in the NICU at this time is his sucking reflex is a little slow and needs some more time to develop so he can feed more effectively.

We spoke a little bit about foster care in general, ("Remember you are fostering, not adopting") and a little bit about the baby's family. He has a brother who is in care and according to the social worker, and will meet his foster mom and "...she's really nice." We ended the conversation with her telling me it will be about another week or two, if that.

On the way to pick up my daughter from a friend's house tonight, I stopped off at the local thrift and was able to find a brand new baby seat and some more clothes. This weekend, I'm having the house cleaned top to bottom and getting rid of anything that is lying around without a proper place and anything that is no longer used. I want this place to be spic and span, organized, and super-streamlined before little guy's arrival

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Today, while getting mani-pedis with my girl I saw I had missed a call from the agency.

I called back immediately and was told me there was a "premie" that was still in the hospital and that the  

case worker would know more in a little while and to call back.

I called back when I reached home and she told the premie was a boy, which is what I had actually felt all along! She said he weighed 4 lbs and told me his name. He has a brother in care already and that is really all she could tell me.

She asked about the crib, but I told her she had already seen the bassinet when she came to do the home study. Yes, she remembered but I would need to get a crib in the near future.  She also said he would be in the hospital a while and that I should not buy anything or prepare until her supervisor follows up with a call on Monday. 

Monday? I realized after I hung-up that it's only TUESDAY. 

I texted my brother immediately. 

Then I cleaned out the small dresser that I purchased this past Christmas for the homestudy, wiped down the bassinet, cleared all of the clutter in the hallway, cleaned out my girl's closet and fb messaged a friend about some baby clothes.

It's going to be a long four days. 

Repeat

While I was in the middle of a conference at work, I heard my phone ring. I had accidentally forgotten to
put it on silent. When I was able to I saw that it was the agency. I excused myself and listened to the message. While I was putting my phone back in my bag, my boss came in with a message for me.
On the paper was written the phone number and time of call and the agency name. I did not appreciate
the agency calling my work number. I have worked so hard on detaching even the slightest bits of my
personal life from my place of employment, and now this.

When I returned the call, the case finder seemed rushed and introduced herself. I asked her to please
never call my work place again and explained the very public nature of my job and that I did not
wish for those boundaries to be crossed. She understood. Then she asked me if I was interested in a two
and a half female child. I asked about the child and she told me that this child has been with the
agency for a while, and that her foster home had been "closed" due to a recent court ruling. The details
of the case she offered sounded familiar to me. I asked her if they had called me before about this
child and I asked if it involved accusations on behalf of the bio parents. She seemed surprised that I
knew that much. I said, "they had called me about this child in early January and I had to decline
based on my job and other concerns." She apologized and said she did not understand why
I was on the list to call and that they had actually been waiting to hear from me before calling anyone else.

I was left declining placement for this child a second time. I hope and pray that she ends up in a warm,
nurturing, loving home with those that will provide the care and love she so deserves.

Going on Three Months

Well, there have been no more calls after that first one that happened when I had the stomach flu.

Actually, I called my homefinder several times and she told me to "hang in there." She informed me that we are certified for a very narrow age/gender range (her urging, btw) and that it may take a while to get another call. 

I let her know that after telling me I'd get "100 calls that first week," I was a bit let down. She swung by our place Friday after work on her way home. I submitted some more paper work and we talked. She me that there was a 1 1/2 year old girl who needed a placement last week, but because we didn't have a crib, 

she did not call. 

Sooooo, I responded, "If I get a crib, can I certify for younger children, now?" She told me "Yes," but 

expressed concern about babies being up all night and the needs of my job and maintaining my 

daughter's schedule. I get it, I really do. No one wants a single-mama getting stressed out and 

then not being able to properly provide for the children.

Unfortunately, because I am human and do have sleep needs and work a job that requires that I am well-rested, including needing energy for when I get home...and to keep healthy...no, an infant would not be a good fit. I think a toddler would be. 

As she left, once again she repeated..."When the time is right, the right child will come."

Yes, I believe this. I do. But I need to remind myself of this as I grow impatient.

All good things in good time.

All good things in God's time.

I purchased a cute, affordable brand-new crib and crib mattress yesterday.

And later, a mid-century modern vintage dollhouse including furniture to add to
our expanding collection. 

First Call

I received my first call from my homefinder today.

I just happen to be home sick with a very bad stomach virus, cramping, weak, nauseous.

I spoke with a social worker. The little girl was two and had open heart surgery as a baby, but was developing normally. She is receiving a lot of early intervention at her current day care, which was not far from our home.

I had to pause and really think about the age...2 and a half. She had been with her current foster mother for a year and a half, but unfortunately was removed because her bio parents are bringing accusations up against the foster mother and they wanted her removed.

This was the one thing about it that got to me. I had a lot to consider. Overall, today, with being home sick and weak...I am not in top form to take a two year old that is very upset and "acting out." I may not be able to give her all she is needing right now. My heart breaks for her, it does. I also have to consider my job...and getting involved in a situation with bio parents who may be on the "war path," due to having their child taken out of the home.

I had to decline.

I felt badly and called my homefinder immediately. She reassured me that I made the best decision for me. She also said that I have to take my job into consideration and that the social worker was already calling other foster parents and not to worry. She understood.

I felt better after speaking with her. This is another step along the journey.

The Climb

"Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.

It's the climb...."

I know it's just a silly Miley Cyrus song to some...but I really love the song.

To me, it's inspiring.

It reminds me of the process I'm going through now.

I had my second/final home-study visit. I think it went well.

We had a lot to talk about and it was all thought-provoking...

It all gave me things to think about, but nothing really new to me:values, family,

how I was raised, why I want to foster. 

Of course, there are still a few more loose ends to be turned in in terms of paper work, but

my home-finder told me she would write it up Monday (today) and then

at some point in the middle of the week, she would come over for the rest of the papers, 

I would sign off on the contract...

and then...

our home will be opened.

I have been praying every night for the child who will come to our home...

for her, my daughter, and for me.

For our new family. 

Home for the Holidays

Happy Holidays to you!

We are having a most peaceful holiday at home, just the way we like it!

I do believe in angels and I always tell my daughter she does not have to be

afraid of anything, because angels protect us. My beloved mother and my 

grandfather are my angels. I know I have others around, too.

So, when I found this candle on a thrift-store holiday treasure hunt, I knew I would give

it to my girl to open under the tree. She loves it.

Friday, is my second and final home-study to certify to foster. I will give my home-finder the rest of the paper work and I believe there will be a long interview process. I'm nervous, but hopeful.

Me and my daughter were both hoping we would have the newest addition here for 

the holidays. But it is in God's time. 

I am still trusting the call, trusting the process - 

...and still very happily excited for it all.

Blessings and Love to all.