I decided to recertify to foster children the upcoming year. I am getting some negative reactions and it does bother me. But it's not about "them" or "me;" it's about the children. It's about the Higher calling on my heart. So, I proceed.
We went to the Thanksgiving dinner given at the agency and it was a bit awkward at first. I don't have a placement right now, just me and my girl went. It was very crowded and the food was okay and plentiful. When we sat down sharing a chair, a toddler threw up right in front of us into his mother's hand. Needless to say, my girl would not eat after that. I managed to scarf down two taquitos and some rice and beans.
Mid-meal J finally opened up and relaxed and made friends with a little girl sitting next to us. She was beautiful and had a beautiful name to match. Her foster mama was standing over her four brothers and sisters (yeah, including her that makes FIVE in all!) and watching them eat, never moving her eyes away from them.
Can I tell you how much I learned from her in the hour we spent sitting at the table together. Well, she never sat down. She didn't eat...but there we all were together. I learned patience. I learned more about a mother's role. I learned about sacrifice. I learned about what it means to put others first.
We spoke about how she happened to get all of the children who are brothers and sisters. I heard her telling another foster parent she hopes to adopt them, "so they will grow up together."
This is why I foster parent. Someone asked me how I handle all of the "psychopathology" in the foster care system. They don't understand how much I gain from it, how much I learn, how much it has and continues to break me open to be a better person and GROW...and LOVE.
Today, I have a four hour training. I doubt they will keep us that long. But I will get the four hours credit towards the twelve that I need to recertify. Then, comes the homestudy and resubmitting all the paper work.
At the end of the dinner, a friend of the foster parents of Baby Sage came up to me and showed me some photos on her phone of Sage. He was sleeping in all of the photos. I dreamed of him last night...that I was holding him and he recognized me and was smiling.