It's Not About You (In the Very Wise Words of Another Foster Blogger, Vicky M. Thorne)

What it feels likes when you say, "oh I could never do that"

The "that" of course being fostering.

Oh, "that'd be soooo hard"

Oh, "ugh I could NEVER do that, I'd get so attached!!"

Like "it'd be so haaaaaaard"

"I'd be so saaaaad to see them go!"

No shit, Sherlock. It IS hard, it does suck, you DO get attached and yes, it rips your heart out when they leave.

But fostering is not about YOU and your emotional COMFORT, it's about being willing to be provide safety & comfort for a child whose whole world is NOT safe or comfortable.

So, please, save it- you whining about how hard it would be for YOU belittles those of us who DO. Encourage, praise, even just a "wow" would be fine, but don't wax eloquent about how you could neeeever do it, lest I be forced to school you about how selfish you sound.

*mic drop*

Training Day

I decided to recertify to foster children the upcoming year. I am getting some negative reactions and it does bother me. But it's not about "them" or "me;" it's about the children. It's about the Higher calling on my heart. So, I proceed.
We went to the Thanksgiving dinner given at the agency and it was a bit awkward at first. I don't have a placement right now, just me and my girl went. It was very crowded and the food was okay and plentiful. When we sat down sharing a chair, a toddler threw up right in front of us into his mother's hand. Needless to say, my girl would not eat after that. I managed to scarf down two taquitos and some rice and beans.
Mid-meal J finally opened up and relaxed and made friends with a little girl sitting next to us. She was beautiful and had a beautiful name to match. Her foster mama was standing over her four brothers and sisters (yeah, including her that makes FIVE in all!) and watching them eat, never moving her eyes away from them.
Can I tell you how much I learned from her in the hour we spent sitting at the table together. Well, she never sat down. She didn't eat...but there we all were together. I learned patience. I learned more about a mother's role. I learned about sacrifice. I learned about what it means to put others first.
We spoke about how she happened to get all of the children who are brothers and sisters. I heard her telling another foster parent she hopes to adopt them, "so they will grow up together."
This is why I foster parent. Someone asked me how I handle all of the "psychopathology" in the foster care system. They don't understand how much I gain from it, how much I learn, how much it has and continues to break me open to be a better person and GROW...and LOVE.

Today, I have a four hour training. I doubt they will keep us that long. But I will get the four hours credit towards the twelve that I need to recertify. Then,  comes the homestudy and resubmitting all the paper work.

At the end of the dinner, a friend of the foster parents of Baby Sage came up to me and showed me some photos on her phone of Sage. He was sleeping in all of the photos. I dreamed of him last night...that I was holding him and he recognized me and was smiling.

Changes II

After a few months to take a step back and process our two foster placements this sumer, I have figured out a few things:

1. If I would have known my preemie Baby Sage was born methadone positive, I probably would not have agreed to the placement. I have good friends in the social welfare system and when they heard about the baby, they told me to ask about blood toxicology. I called the agency and of course was told that aside from being premature, the baby was absolutely normal and healthy.

2. Premature babies born withdrawing from methadone require special care...MAINLY, they need to be held a lot. They cry A LOT. They do not sleep at night. Many of them have a "baaah baaaahh" cry like a baby sheep. It is heart-breaking. When Baby Sage was trembling and almost levitating off of the bassinet mattress because his tremors were so bad, I did not know what to do. Sorry, Agency...MAPP classes did not go into this at all.

3. Instinctively, I wrapped him and held him tight. But as a foster parent, we are not supposed to sleep with the babies and I understand why. But how do you leave a screaming, withdrawing baby on his own in a bassinet. Let's not talk about the darting eyes, which scared me down to my core and the multiple sneezes...say, 11 in a row. My poor baby Sage.

4. No, I was not informed or prepared to deal with that. My heart was in the right place. That it was. I would still be willing and ABLE to make a home for a baby (not withdrawing from drugs, not preemie) in our home. While he was here, Sage was loved endlessly by me and my daughter who fed him, held him, hugged him and loved on him. I am so proud of her.

After Sage's interrupted placement, I went up to Homefinding at the agency just to check in and talk. What did I hear?

"We thought you wanted a baby! Didn't you know babies DON'T SLEEP?!" Um, yeah, I had a baby nine years ago, remember ladies. I'm a single mom and basically always was.

I should have reminded them of the fact that they did not know or rather they did not tell me that he was born methadone positive. That was a big one.

When I texted Baby Sage's social worker (who up until last week was still sending me photos of him) that I have decided to leave the agency and why, she simply wrote back one line:

"You need to do what is best for you and your family."  Gee, thanks, Sister. I have blocked her number. I said a prayer for Sage and have prayed God will watch over him, blessing him and protecting him always.

As for that agency...It's time to move on.

Stay tuned for Part II of the Baby Sage saga and the LITTLE MISS saga (our second placement). That too, was also a doozy.

Transitions

I called my home finder just to say hello last week. I wanted to make sure I was still on her radar.

School and work start back up tomorrow. I always get so sad to leave my girl for the day after having all summer together. Even though I know she is in a wonderful school and she really does like it, it just feels unnatural to not be with her.

I told her this evening that I couldn't even imagine having to leave baby Sage tomorrow if he had still been with us. I'd be leaving two children...or preparing two children to go to other places for the day. Either way, it would have been extra-sad. Transitions are tough. Makes me think of what foster children and babies often go through.

Bliss

Me holding Baby Boy, July 2013

Calling on Kundalini

The past two loads of wash that have come from the laundromat had  little articles of clothing from baby boy...a hat here, a blanket there, a pair of premie pants the size of my hand came back this evening.

I wonder if we will have another placement. My age range is so narrow now and I will be returning back to work in a few weeks. It all seems so impossible to visualize in this moment.

Yet, I still see a crib in my room and a little, chunky (older) baby girl bouncing around in it.

Time to do Kundalini Yoga and Mediation again. Seems like whenever I practiced Kundalini,
we were called for a placement.

I believe Kundalini magnetizes your deepest desires and pulls them in closer towards you.

What other explanation can there be for us getting the call for Baby Sage when we did?

Little, chunky, Baby Girl, we will wait for you.

All I Want

...is for Baby Sage to come back.

I just went into my closet to find some birthday presents I hid from my big girl, and I found
one of his little feeding bottles from the hospital.

I miss him terribly.

What I Have Learned From My First Two Foster Placements

1. So far, I don't think any amount of MAPP classes, certifications, teaching experience or required trainings could have possibly prepared me for the experiences I've had this far.

2. I need to establish and maintain FIRM boundaries with the bio parents. This may be one of the most important lessons for me.

3. My teacher at a recent training kept repeating "You have to know your limits." Most people in my class who are over 40 all agreed that they don't think they could ever care for an infant. That is their limit. I don't know if it is mine. Although, I never in a million years thought I would be offered an infant placement...and there I was with a preemie for a few weeks.

4. I MUST HAVE HELP - If I have more than one child here, which I will when we receive another placement, I must have at least TWO backup babysitters/nannies ready to go. It may not have been as difficult with Baby Sage if I had hired a part-time nanny to help with his care in those crazy first few weeks of his withdrawal, tremors and inability to sleep at night. I thought I had THOUGHT of everything. I had all the clothes, gear, and accessories. Since I am used to doing everything by myself and always have, I did not even think about how important this would be.
***I'm interviewing candidates this week.

5. I think a younger child will be best for our home at this point. My daughter is turning nine tomorrow. She did really well with the baby. She adored him and actively engaged with him, his care, his presence in our home made her happy. He was the first face she looked for when she woke up; with our six-year old Little Miss, not so much.

6. My new age range to say yes...6 months to 4 years old. I have decided I won't take a child over four. It becomes a difficult dynamic for an older female child to be here with me and my daughter. Little Miss would become angry and then distraught when she observed me showing any form of love to my daughter. It was really hard for the two of them by the end of her stay with us.

7. Now that my job is about to start up...well, in three weeks. I don't think I will be taking any more placements until our next vacation;  unless it is God's will of course, then it will be different.

8. I need to pray more for all children in care, for their parents, the foster parents, the agency workers and all who are effected and touch these precious lives. We all need His divine love and grace.

Working Around The System

Yesterday was our second to last day at the Vacation Bible School I've been volunteering at and my girl cub has been attending. We brought Little Miss with us. She was very apprehensive. Who could blame her? We were all in pretty bad shape as LM was brought to our home so late. We had all had about six hours or under, which is very little for two school-age kids and a very active Mama parent.

She went with the flow pretty well but kept herself wrapped around me like a koala bear hugs a eucalyptus tree. Eventually, she did get used to it as I knew she would. She is such a spirited little one. By the end of the day she was loving it all, singing the songs with her strong, raspy little voice and talking to the other kids and staff.

Then I got the call...

The social worker told me that she had gone to Little Miss's original foster home and that Little Miss would not be staying. She said it was a misunderstanding on her part; the fact that the original foster mom hurt her back and needed to get an MRI and a shot, but had planned on the kids who were taken from her home, being returned by Monday.

A misunderstanding? From the little time I've spent working within this system, I find that a pretty big misunderstanding. How do you take a child out of a place she has known as "home" for the past few months pretty late in the evening...and bring her to a new home. How do you tell her new foster family (us) that she will be staying until she is due to return back to her Mom in September and then call a day later and tell us it was a misunderstanding?

I guess it happens but talk about confusing the kids.

To make a long story short...I met with Little Miss's mom today when I had to bring her to the agency so she could go spend the weekend with her. We talked at length. She said Little Miss looked very happy and that maybe it would be best for her to stay in our home and to go on our overnight on Monday, even.

She seemed to think the original foster parent's home was a bit chaotic and that there may be too many kids there. She was concerned about the recent tantrums and asked if LM had displayed any of that behavior. I told her no, and we haven't.

She is going to call me over the weekend to let me know what she decides.

Update: "Little Miss"

"Little Miss" had to get medically cleared this evening and it took what seemed like forever for her to get to our home. They ("LM" and two social workers) pulled up at 10:15. It was dark but I could see the outline/shadow of a little one and I sort of called out, "Are y'all here?" and I heard her little raspy voice which is actually a strong voice say, "Yeah."

We all met on the sidewalk and what I noticed first was the delightful twinkle in her big eyes and that she had a purse around her shoulder. After late-night lemonade, chicken nuggets, dollies, wash-up and a story, we made it to bedtime.

Little Miss had a bit of a hard time settling. She said she was afraid of the dark and then she said she missed "Mimaw and Alicia" (Foster Mom and Granddaughter). I told her I understood and that I would stay in the room as long as she wanted me to. I placed my head on the towel I had been holding to wash up on the floor and rested quietly as she drifted quickly off to sleep.

My Girl Cub is still tossing around up there. She said she was too excited to sleep. Little Miss brought a DS and Monster High dolls...even gum! 

Oh, my. 

 Tomorrow, the three of us will be up early and make our way to the VBS together.

A new family member to meet

What a busy, great, healing, therapeutic week it has been for us. I am volunteering at a church camp that my daughter is attending. It feels like one big happy family there and we are really enjoying ourselves. We've sooooo needed this since the baby left as we were both grieving in our own way.

Today, after a delicious lunch and happy chatter, the phone rang and I saw the foster agency was calling. I hesitated to answer. I'm not sure why. I guess I didn't want to be disappointed, if that makes any sense?

It was my homefinder and she said she wanted to know if I would be interested in a placement, a six year old girl. Be still my heart. I can't even tell you how my girl cub began bouncing around the house cleaning her room after I told her. She was so cute asking things like "What time does she have to go to bed, Mom?" And then of course, "I don't want to share my ipod, Mom. Is that okay?

To follow up: I just spoke with my social worker and little girl will be going back to live with her bio mom in September so it is just a temporary placement. But that's still okay with us. I told the social worker about our two planned vacations this month and she is going to get back to me. So, we're waiting for the call to learn more.

I'll be updating regularly. Keep us all in your prayers.

Family Planning

In order to maintain my license to foster, which I have every intent of continuing, foster parents have to take 12 training hours per year. It's really not a lot considering how much there it to learn and it's free.
I figured I'd get as many hours as I can under my belt now, especially since the baby is no longer with us.

I attended a "Family Planning" workshop for two credit hours today. It was interesting to see all of the new birth control methods that are out there and to meet other foster parents; in fact, that was the best part.
The facilitator of the training stated that this workshop was really geared toward foster parents of older
children, but I still found it very helpful and can easily apply it to my work with teens and someday,
well...my daughter will be "that" age.

Next week, there will be a monthly foster parent meeting. We have dinner together and there is a speaker. I am excited to meet more foster parents and finally network. I will also get training hours for the monthly meeting, so that's a plus.

As I was leaving the agency I popped my head in to say hello to my homefinder and to talk to the woman in charge of intake. We went over the age range our home is certified for. I still said that I was open to take any child, but as summer progresses, I know that a baby or younger child that is not sleeping and high-demand becomes less and less of a realistic possibility.

I miss Sage and look at his photos daily. I go over everything in my mind from our first phone call about him in the NICU to the day he left us, a total of 20 days.

I am struggling to believe this is all part of the plan and that we will eventually meet the child that is meant for us. I am still praying for Sage, for us, and for the next child that becomes part of our family.

Baby Sage

I have not been able to sit and type an update on this blog for a little while now. If you would like to piece together an "update" I will leave the link to my first blog, where I still write and have been updating recently.

Baby Sage is no longer with us, as in living in our home. It is too long a story and too emotional for me to write about at this time. I will say that he is fine and so are we, just a little emotionally frayed around the edges as it is all still  fresh.

 I know that someday when I am done processing and am at a healthier emotional distance, I will share it as the sacred and very valuable first experience I had caring for a child in foster care.

The Nicknames

Boy-Boy

Boy O

Mr. Biggles

Meatball 

Butternut

Mr. Golden Sun (My daughter's name for him)

Mr. Golden Raisin

Olive

and the latest one..."Poop Machine!"

Dear Precious Baby,

There is a reason you and I are in each other's lives.
Thank you for being my youngest teacher.
With Love and Gratitude,
Your "Auntie" xoxo

A Day in Our Life

(Photo taken on a Saturday night Mama/Baby Sage Target run...our first.)

Baby Sage sleeps a lot...A LOT as in all day pretty much.

This has been an asset in a many ways, even though I am suffering horribly with sleep deprivation.

Yeah, all the "just sleep when he sleeps" well-meaning friends & neighbors

forget I have an almost 9 year old willow girl with wicked

energy and imagination. Since it's been just the two of us for so long,

she's used to having me close by for hugs, conversation...interaction and CARE.

She still needs to eat three meals a day, Friends! How can I sleep?

Anyway, I am slowly slipping into my old familiar routine while he sleeps.

This morning, I made my yerba matte just the way I like it with ginger & lemon.

I made Willow girl pancakes (not from scratch, come on!) and found my

way to my quiet place. I was able to do a fifteen minute centering meditation and 

then afterward (while he slumbered on) I completed a 25 minute yoga practice. 

It was heaven and felt so good. My body has missed the stretching and the breathing.

Later, my girlfriend watched the kids while I had a dentist appointment. Yes, I 

love my dentist. Not only is he a handsome fellow, he is open on Sundays. Gotta love that.

When finished, we all crossed the street and headed over to the mall.

Sage slept straight through, only to wake for a bottle at 2:30. 

He sure captured a lot of attention in the mall as he is not only 

tiny, but flippin' adorable with his turned up button nose, bow lips, and jet black

hair that's coming in all "male pattern balding" style. Swoon worthy, he is.

A few hours later, here we are back home. I'm on the couch watching The American, 

but it may require more brainpower than I have at the moment. Willow has

her bff over and they're playing Littlest Pet Shop. And Sage...you guessed 

it, is still asleep. But not for long, as he is due for another feeding.

Tomorrow, my girl starts VBS for the week, so our 10 o'clock rising time

will change to eight. Also, tomorrow marks the countdown to darshan with Amma, my guru. 

She will be here in the city at the end of the week. I can not wait for 

Sage and Willow to join me in her presence this time around. 

So much to look forward to in the weeks ahead. 

The Right Stuff

Eleven pm lavender baths and the kangaroo hold in the moby are going to get me  through. He falls into a deep, almost animal-like slumber....and he settles right in.

Thankfully, the Right Stuff has been allowing me to have a couple of hours sleep time in a row.

Random Facts About Baby

- Due on my beloved Grandfather's birthday, born one day before Grandma.
- The top of his head smells like the most intoxicating blend og Nag Champa comined with breakfast sausage.
- We both share the magical birth number 7.
- He has deep blue wide eyes set far apart, like his mom and older brother.
-Interesting baby sounds include "the mini nanny goat," baby parakeet squak,
and high pitched growl of contentment right before falling asleep.
- At one month old (& preemie!) he can focus on a toy, follow my voice, and swat away when he is really p.o.'d!
- Recently he has started holding my hand while he feeds, resting it gently on me, or (last night) rubbing my back!

Yep, he's pretty special.

Changes

So far, in the less-than-one-week "Sage" has been here...

1. We spent 3 hours in a clinic waiting to be seen by the doctor because the agency

failed to give me the letter stating I was his foster parent.

2. Spent 9 hours in an ER waiting for Sage to be admitted for observation (long story, he's fine now.)

3. I got caught in a major down pour and couldn't figure out how to collapse the Snap and Go 

stroller. Oh, yeah...Fun Times.

4. Watched him actually focus on a toy yesterday and attempt to extend toward it. 

(He is one smart baby!) 

5. Had our first fairly successful Saturday night Target trip. 

6. I've only had one mini-meltdown which happened yesterday after a night of only one hour of sleep...not just because Sage wakes every two hours for a feeding (he's a preemie) but because

I drank a massive iced coffee at 4pm with my brother while he was visiting.

7. I've met a lot of nice people. The system is no way perfect, but my social worker is 

a pretty amazing young woman and the staff at the agency are all great as well.

8. I am challenged by the amount of work, as it has been almost 9 years since I've cared for a newborn, but my heart is filled to the brim.

9. I know it was Divine Love that guided me here and Divine Love from the Creator 

will help and see me through, even the most difficult times. 

It's a Beautiful Morning

Last night, we did much better. I think he felt settled and comfy. Although, he seems to be a night-time pooper and had a period of waking that lasted 2 hours somewhere around 11 pm. Oh, well. Overall, I maybe got five hours off and on and I feel okay this morning. Definitely better than yesterday.

Upon arising, I changed little "Sage" and then Girl Cub came in and I played sitar from Pandora and we just all laid there cuddling and just being. It was so peaceful and it was just "bliss," no other way to describe it.

There is something about this little Sage that is so very peaceful. I love his expressions and have captured so many little wise, contemplative looks and stares.

He is definitely a morning sleeper and so that's been nice. I've been able to blog, have tea, take a shower, and straighten up before the case worker and Girl Cub's tutor come by later this afternoon.

It's a Beautiful Morning.

He's Heeeeere!

All 4 pounds, 3 ounces of him!

He is so tiny and so adorable...like an elfin E.T.

We pulled an all-nighter last night and I'm really hoping he gets this "We sleep in the night and play in the day thing straight after a while. I don't do too well on sleep-deprivation. Thankfully, today was the last day of work until September. I made it on one hour sleep!


This little guy already differs from my daughter as an infant in that he does actually sleep during the day for a couple of hour stretches at a time. So, tomorrow...I know I will eventually get a few catnaps in, even if he does not sleep again tonight.

I've also discovered he likes the carseat- very much like J. I guess it's nice and enclosed and comfy.

Girl cub is in love with him already and has been such a big help.

On Friday, we have a meeting with his mom up at the agency. I was told she may ask for my phone number which I'm not at all comfortable with.

It's been very intense, yes. But he is a good baby and as I shared tonight: My heart feels at peace and it is a great feeling.

Is it scary? YES.
Will it be hard work? No doubt about it. But lots of friends have reached out to lend a hand and I may take them up on it, one or two per week. Then there's the babysitter if I need to take him for a day and catch up on sleep, chores, and such.

During the downpour before, as I was running to get the diaper bag that I had left behind in the car...I thought to myself: "...And so it begins."

So glad to have met you Baby Boy.

I Made The Baby A Painting

I've been inspired to paint again. 

I am even collecting "Inspiration for My Painting" on a Pinterest board.

I found a canvas and just decided to let my emotions

dictate where the paint and brush went. 

This is what came out: lotuses on murky water, moon tides,

vegetal Earth soup. 

I really hope I get the call this week and will
be meeting Little Guy soon.

I titled this painting "Waiting For The Moon"
As we are expecting a Super (full) Moon in the
Next 24 hours. This may also be my
Nickname for him.... "Moon."

Grateful

In a way, the timing for this little guy couldn't be any more perfect. I'm still working until the middle of next week and in the meantime, I've been able to have ample time to prep for him in a well-thought out, calm fashion. I like that.

Today I spent my lunch hour in a baby-child consignment shop. I found a lot of adorable onesies and some pajamas, a few hats, booties, baby pants. So cute. I have made a list of real bottom line basics as I know babies need  a lot of gear and I am on a pretty tight budget.

My list: 

Basic Clothes/Layette 

Bassinet Sheets

Bottles

Pacifiers (Hoping he won't need but I'll prepare anyway)

Baby Tylenol

Diapers

Infant Car Seat

Stroller

Infant tubby

Formula: I'm going to wait on until I hear more about what he should have. We have washcloths and towels and I did score a deal on that practically new baby seat. 

When I randomly spoke to my sister-in-law tonight she told me she had "everything" and "don't even think about buying anything else." I was elated. So, I may be pretty much done with my "For Baby" list. She even has two baby carriers. I am beyond grateful.

PS: I may still spring for the Moby wrap. I kinda have my heart set on it.

And I've finally decided on what to make him besides the mandatory crochet teddy bear hat...this baby CARDIGAN!

Finally, an update...

Just as I decided to completely back off from bugging the agency AGAIN, a call came in this morning as I pulled into a parking space close to my job.

It was the social worker, who seems like a very nice, warm, woman. I am so happy about that. She told me that she had more information about the baby: he is healthy, gaining weight slowly, and breathing on his own. The only thing that is keeping him in the NICU at this time is his sucking reflex is a little slow and needs some more time to develop so he can feed more effectively.

We spoke a little bit about foster care in general, ("Remember you are fostering, not adopting") and a little bit about the baby's family. He has a brother who is in care and according to the social worker, and will meet his foster mom and "...she's really nice." We ended the conversation with her telling me it will be about another week or two, if that.

On the way to pick up my daughter from a friend's house tonight, I stopped off at the local thrift and was able to find a brand new baby seat and some more clothes. This weekend, I'm having the house cleaned top to bottom and getting rid of anything that is lying around without a proper place and anything that is no longer used. I want this place to be spic and span, organized, and super-streamlined before little guy's arrival

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Today, while getting mani-pedis with my girl I saw I had missed a call from the agency.

I called back immediately and was told me there was a "premie" that was still in the hospital and that the  

case worker would know more in a little while and to call back.

I called back when I reached home and she told the premie was a boy, which is what I had actually felt all along! She said he weighed 4 lbs and told me his name. He has a brother in care already and that is really all she could tell me.

She asked about the crib, but I told her she had already seen the bassinet when she came to do the home study. Yes, she remembered but I would need to get a crib in the near future.  She also said he would be in the hospital a while and that I should not buy anything or prepare until her supervisor follows up with a call on Monday. 

Monday? I realized after I hung-up that it's only TUESDAY. 

I texted my brother immediately. 

Then I cleaned out the small dresser that I purchased this past Christmas for the homestudy, wiped down the bassinet, cleared all of the clutter in the hallway, cleaned out my girl's closet and fb messaged a friend about some baby clothes.

It's going to be a long four days. 

Repeat

While I was in the middle of a conference at work, I heard my phone ring. I had accidentally forgotten to
put it on silent. When I was able to I saw that it was the agency. I excused myself and listened to the message. While I was putting my phone back in my bag, my boss came in with a message for me.
On the paper was written the phone number and time of call and the agency name. I did not appreciate
the agency calling my work number. I have worked so hard on detaching even the slightest bits of my
personal life from my place of employment, and now this.

When I returned the call, the case finder seemed rushed and introduced herself. I asked her to please
never call my work place again and explained the very public nature of my job and that I did not
wish for those boundaries to be crossed. She understood. Then she asked me if I was interested in a two
and a half female child. I asked about the child and she told me that this child has been with the
agency for a while, and that her foster home had been "closed" due to a recent court ruling. The details
of the case she offered sounded familiar to me. I asked her if they had called me before about this
child and I asked if it involved accusations on behalf of the bio parents. She seemed surprised that I
knew that much. I said, "they had called me about this child in early January and I had to decline
based on my job and other concerns." She apologized and said she did not understand why
I was on the list to call and that they had actually been waiting to hear from me before calling anyone else.

I was left declining placement for this child a second time. I hope and pray that she ends up in a warm,
nurturing, loving home with those that will provide the care and love she so deserves.

Going on Three Months

Well, there have been no more calls after that first one that happened when I had the stomach flu.

Actually, I called my homefinder several times and she told me to "hang in there." She informed me that we are certified for a very narrow age/gender range (her urging, btw) and that it may take a while to get another call. 

I let her know that after telling me I'd get "100 calls that first week," I was a bit let down. She swung by our place Friday after work on her way home. I submitted some more paper work and we talked. She me that there was a 1 1/2 year old girl who needed a placement last week, but because we didn't have a crib, 

she did not call. 

Sooooo, I responded, "If I get a crib, can I certify for younger children, now?" She told me "Yes," but 

expressed concern about babies being up all night and the needs of my job and maintaining my 

daughter's schedule. I get it, I really do. No one wants a single-mama getting stressed out and 

then not being able to properly provide for the children.

Unfortunately, because I am human and do have sleep needs and work a job that requires that I am well-rested, including needing energy for when I get home...and to keep healthy...no, an infant would not be a good fit. I think a toddler would be. 

As she left, once again she repeated..."When the time is right, the right child will come."

Yes, I believe this. I do. But I need to remind myself of this as I grow impatient.

All good things in good time.

All good things in God's time.

I purchased a cute, affordable brand-new crib and crib mattress yesterday.

And later, a mid-century modern vintage dollhouse including furniture to add to
our expanding collection. 

First Call

I received my first call from my homefinder today.

I just happen to be home sick with a very bad stomach virus, cramping, weak, nauseous.

I spoke with a social worker. The little girl was two and had open heart surgery as a baby, but was developing normally. She is receiving a lot of early intervention at her current day care, which was not far from our home.

I had to pause and really think about the age...2 and a half. She had been with her current foster mother for a year and a half, but unfortunately was removed because her bio parents are bringing accusations up against the foster mother and they wanted her removed.

This was the one thing about it that got to me. I had a lot to consider. Overall, today, with being home sick and weak...I am not in top form to take a two year old that is very upset and "acting out." I may not be able to give her all she is needing right now. My heart breaks for her, it does. I also have to consider my job...and getting involved in a situation with bio parents who may be on the "war path," due to having their child taken out of the home.

I had to decline.

I felt badly and called my homefinder immediately. She reassured me that I made the best decision for me. She also said that I have to take my job into consideration and that the social worker was already calling other foster parents and not to worry. She understood.

I felt better after speaking with her. This is another step along the journey.