I Made The Baby A Painting

I've been inspired to paint again. 

I am even collecting "Inspiration for My Painting" on a Pinterest board.

I found a canvas and just decided to let my emotions

dictate where the paint and brush went. 

This is what came out: lotuses on murky water, moon tides,

vegetal Earth soup. 

I really hope I get the call this week and will
be meeting Little Guy soon.

I titled this painting "Waiting For The Moon"
As we are expecting a Super (full) Moon in the
Next 24 hours. This may also be my
Nickname for him.... "Moon."

Grateful

In a way, the timing for this little guy couldn't be any more perfect. I'm still working until the middle of next week and in the meantime, I've been able to have ample time to prep for him in a well-thought out, calm fashion. I like that.

Today I spent my lunch hour in a baby-child consignment shop. I found a lot of adorable onesies and some pajamas, a few hats, booties, baby pants. So cute. I have made a list of real bottom line basics as I know babies need  a lot of gear and I am on a pretty tight budget.

My list: 

Basic Clothes/Layette 

Bassinet Sheets

Bottles

Pacifiers (Hoping he won't need but I'll prepare anyway)

Baby Tylenol

Diapers

Infant Car Seat

Stroller

Infant tubby

Formula: I'm going to wait on until I hear more about what he should have. We have washcloths and towels and I did score a deal on that practically new baby seat. 

When I randomly spoke to my sister-in-law tonight she told me she had "everything" and "don't even think about buying anything else." I was elated. So, I may be pretty much done with my "For Baby" list. She even has two baby carriers. I am beyond grateful.

PS: I may still spring for the Moby wrap. I kinda have my heart set on it.

And I've finally decided on what to make him besides the mandatory crochet teddy bear hat...this baby CARDIGAN!

Finally, an update...

Just as I decided to completely back off from bugging the agency AGAIN, a call came in this morning as I pulled into a parking space close to my job.

It was the social worker, who seems like a very nice, warm, woman. I am so happy about that. She told me that she had more information about the baby: he is healthy, gaining weight slowly, and breathing on his own. The only thing that is keeping him in the NICU at this time is his sucking reflex is a little slow and needs some more time to develop so he can feed more effectively.

We spoke a little bit about foster care in general, ("Remember you are fostering, not adopting") and a little bit about the baby's family. He has a brother who is in care and according to the social worker, and will meet his foster mom and "...she's really nice." We ended the conversation with her telling me it will be about another week or two, if that.

On the way to pick up my daughter from a friend's house tonight, I stopped off at the local thrift and was able to find a brand new baby seat and some more clothes. This weekend, I'm having the house cleaned top to bottom and getting rid of anything that is lying around without a proper place and anything that is no longer used. I want this place to be spic and span, organized, and super-streamlined before little guy's arrival

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Today, while getting mani-pedis with my girl I saw I had missed a call from the agency.

I called back immediately and was told me there was a "premie" that was still in the hospital and that the  

case worker would know more in a little while and to call back.

I called back when I reached home and she told the premie was a boy, which is what I had actually felt all along! She said he weighed 4 lbs and told me his name. He has a brother in care already and that is really all she could tell me.

She asked about the crib, but I told her she had already seen the bassinet when she came to do the home study. Yes, she remembered but I would need to get a crib in the near future.  She also said he would be in the hospital a while and that I should not buy anything or prepare until her supervisor follows up with a call on Monday. 

Monday? I realized after I hung-up that it's only TUESDAY. 

I texted my brother immediately. 

Then I cleaned out the small dresser that I purchased this past Christmas for the homestudy, wiped down the bassinet, cleared all of the clutter in the hallway, cleaned out my girl's closet and fb messaged a friend about some baby clothes.

It's going to be a long four days. 

Repeat

While I was in the middle of a conference at work, I heard my phone ring. I had accidentally forgotten to
put it on silent. When I was able to I saw that it was the agency. I excused myself and listened to the message. While I was putting my phone back in my bag, my boss came in with a message for me.
On the paper was written the phone number and time of call and the agency name. I did not appreciate
the agency calling my work number. I have worked so hard on detaching even the slightest bits of my
personal life from my place of employment, and now this.

When I returned the call, the case finder seemed rushed and introduced herself. I asked her to please
never call my work place again and explained the very public nature of my job and that I did not
wish for those boundaries to be crossed. She understood. Then she asked me if I was interested in a two
and a half female child. I asked about the child and she told me that this child has been with the
agency for a while, and that her foster home had been "closed" due to a recent court ruling. The details
of the case she offered sounded familiar to me. I asked her if they had called me before about this
child and I asked if it involved accusations on behalf of the bio parents. She seemed surprised that I
knew that much. I said, "they had called me about this child in early January and I had to decline
based on my job and other concerns." She apologized and said she did not understand why
I was on the list to call and that they had actually been waiting to hear from me before calling anyone else.

I was left declining placement for this child a second time. I hope and pray that she ends up in a warm,
nurturing, loving home with those that will provide the care and love she so deserves.

Going on Three Months

Well, there have been no more calls after that first one that happened when I had the stomach flu.

Actually, I called my homefinder several times and she told me to "hang in there." She informed me that we are certified for a very narrow age/gender range (her urging, btw) and that it may take a while to get another call. 

I let her know that after telling me I'd get "100 calls that first week," I was a bit let down. She swung by our place Friday after work on her way home. I submitted some more paper work and we talked. She me that there was a 1 1/2 year old girl who needed a placement last week, but because we didn't have a crib, 

she did not call. 

Sooooo, I responded, "If I get a crib, can I certify for younger children, now?" She told me "Yes," but 

expressed concern about babies being up all night and the needs of my job and maintaining my 

daughter's schedule. I get it, I really do. No one wants a single-mama getting stressed out and 

then not being able to properly provide for the children.

Unfortunately, because I am human and do have sleep needs and work a job that requires that I am well-rested, including needing energy for when I get home...and to keep healthy...no, an infant would not be a good fit. I think a toddler would be. 

As she left, once again she repeated..."When the time is right, the right child will come."

Yes, I believe this. I do. But I need to remind myself of this as I grow impatient.

All good things in good time.

All good things in God's time.

I purchased a cute, affordable brand-new crib and crib mattress yesterday.

And later, a mid-century modern vintage dollhouse including furniture to add to
our expanding collection. 

First Call

I received my first call from my homefinder today.

I just happen to be home sick with a very bad stomach virus, cramping, weak, nauseous.

I spoke with a social worker. The little girl was two and had open heart surgery as a baby, but was developing normally. She is receiving a lot of early intervention at her current day care, which was not far from our home.

I had to pause and really think about the age...2 and a half. She had been with her current foster mother for a year and a half, but unfortunately was removed because her bio parents are bringing accusations up against the foster mother and they wanted her removed.

This was the one thing about it that got to me. I had a lot to consider. Overall, today, with being home sick and weak...I am not in top form to take a two year old that is very upset and "acting out." I may not be able to give her all she is needing right now. My heart breaks for her, it does. I also have to consider my job...and getting involved in a situation with bio parents who may be on the "war path," due to having their child taken out of the home.

I had to decline.

I felt badly and called my homefinder immediately. She reassured me that I made the best decision for me. She also said that I have to take my job into consideration and that the social worker was already calling other foster parents and not to worry. She understood.

I felt better after speaking with her. This is another step along the journey.